Every middle of September, the Oklahoma State Fair comes to town, bringing with it a wide array of interesting people, food and fun. What do the State Fair and Big 12 Football have in common? Plenty. Every extreme, from the worst to the best of the state fair is embodied in the teams that make up the current configuration of the Big 12 Conference. Each Big 12 team was paired with a state fair attraction that most closely exemplifies the state of their program.
Iowa State = Pig Races: Can be mildly entertaining at times, but most races end in pig manure.
Oklahoma = Cinnamon Roll: Consistently good, and always one of the main attractions at the fair. May contain nuts.
Texas Tech = Bobo The Clown Dunk Tank: Biggest trash talker at the fair. Loud and obnoxious whether they are high and dry or dripping wet. Currently drowning.
Texas = Carney Man: Used to have some bite, but lost the majority of his teeth somewhere along the way.
West Virginia = Hot Tubs: Why is West Virginia in the Big 12, and why are hot tubs at the state fair? Do people really go to the state fair to buy hot tubs? “I’ll take two corndogs and a hot tub, please.”
TCU = Brown Ribbon: Your peppered sauerkraut muffins might have been a hit at the county fair, but they just don’t fly around here. Here is your brown ribbon. Thank for participating.
Baylor = Carnival Rides: Sat in the corner of some wearhouse doing nothing since the Cold War. Some dude that just consumed a pack of Camels and a dozen Natty Lights has brought it back from the dead (disclaimer: I am not saying Art Briles is that “dude”). The ride is exciting and enjoying its 15 minutes of game, but you can’t help but think it will end in vomit, death, mechanical failure or a combination of.
Kansas State = Midway Games: Toss a softball in a basket. Throw a plastic ring around a bottle. At first glance, midway games don’t appear to be that difficult. Don’t be fooled. They are always tougher than they look.
Oklahoma State = Chocolate Dipped Twinkie on a Stick: The original Twinkie had its moments in history, but the fate of the treat was in doubt. In comes Boone Pickens: he fried it, dipped it in chocolate and put it on a stick. Success.
Kansas = Karaoke: Screeching, dying dolphin, sadness, g-flat, more sadness. Their only fans are their family
and friends. Very hard to watch. Very hard.